when i was young
with time on my hands
my rifle slung
wandering through strange lands
i'd joined the militia
not wanting to miss
a girl named patricia
and our everlasting kiss
ten thousand miles away
pounding dirt under heel
waiting for the day
to realise our love for real
my belly aching
my hands shaking
bowels quaking
not forsaking
the shells bursting overhead
brothers drop like flies
maimed or dead
old eddy boy was by my side
broke and ran
for somewhere to hide
i saw him flee
duck down by a tree
in a flash of light
i didn’t dare
to see the sight
of him no longer there
you see when eddy boy
joined the militia
he left behind
that girl named patricia
if he’d held a gun
instead of a pen
and held his son
way back when
i wouldn’t feel so bad
remembering patricia
and the love we had
you see, loving eddy
like a brother
was never easy
being her lover
my heart wrenches
as i jump in the trenches
my heart in my throat
as i cross the moat
the castle on fire
like a funeral pyre
yet my desire
would make me a liar
finally i fell asleep
secure in the knowledge
the boys kept eye on the keep
my dreams clouded with fears
of waking up beside her in tears
if i could my love i’d barter
to see eddy as her martyr
but i didn’t dare
to have her care
or wonder why or where
eddy was or why he wasn’t there
it dawned on me
upon waking
she’d be mine for the taking
if eddy didn’t die
had wandered away
this would be the lie
i’d hide
‘til my dying day
if i had the courage
or call it cowardice
to fabricate this story
with absence of malice
she just might believe
and maybe she’d see
she could pack up and leave
and love only me
then upon waking
in a cold sweat
my body shaking
blanket wet
looked up to the sky
no reason why
and started to cry
wanting to die
could it be her?
leaning over me
as i wiped the sleep from my eyes
so i could better see
if sadness were beauty
she was a goddess
holding old eddy
close to her bodice
and so i never
had to live the lie
and if i ever had to die
i hope that i
could have had a friend
upon whom i could depend
to tell the truth
and have never lied
or put shame
on the way i died